i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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