You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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