he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize