four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
this will be a night to untag.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
