i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
