**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
