1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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