Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
