our cab driver is having phone sex.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
