sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
