I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
