the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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