Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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