Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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