If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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