Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm like, not good at living.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
