Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
