who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
