I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
