He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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