Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
