So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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