tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize