I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
