my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
