my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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