'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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