She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
