So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
