was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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