ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
