I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
