we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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