i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I could make wine with my vomit
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
