if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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