I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
