So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
