I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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