wrigley field is MILF paradise
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
