I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
