I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
