Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
