Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
