i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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