I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
