how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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