But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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