While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
