If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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