I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
