2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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