A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
