I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
