We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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