You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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