Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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