i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
