i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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