So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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