Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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