so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
