i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
