hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
