# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
