Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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