You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.