On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.