Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
