Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
