My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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