I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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